Dec. 2, 2019

I’ve heard it said that “the person who cares the least controls the relationship”. In some cases I think that can be somewhat true, but in healthy relationships, it’s more about not jockeying for position.

What we learn after hundreds of relationships in our lives, if we attempt to grow and learn, is that in a mutually respectful relationship, “Nobody” should control the relationship, and if there is a controller, that’s a very big red flag the relationship is potentially not “healthy” or the person trying to control the other person, or other people in a group (family or friends) is not “healthy”. People who try to control are insecure, and they are searching for a way to keep things under their thumb so they can manipulate others into acting in a way, or doing things in a way that doesn’t threaten their position of “superiority” or “control”.

So if you find yourself in a position or a relationship where you’re trying to control another person, or vise versa, you’re at the mercy of someone else’s manipulative actions because they are “little people” on the inside, for whatever reason. It could be a number of things in their past. But tread carefully if you have family members or a significant other who tries to control you. That relationship is sick, and it needs a doctor.

In healthy relationships, we look to find equality, peace, mutual respect and mutual enjoyment from the relationship. Run away from control, or stare it down. Don’t be bullied by anybody, male or female. And don’t be fooled, men and women are equally capable of manipulation and control, it typically just presents differently.

We really only need a few people in our lives to function normally. We either have a significant other, and a few friends (actual friends), work acquaintances, and those people who we interact with on a day to day basis, but we don’t develop full or close relationships with, and it’s entirely possible to leave unhealthy relationships and thrive, why? Because the world is full of new people who don’t have a need to control other people.

Some dysfunctional behavior runs deep in families, and it can be passed down from generation to generation, and there can be multiple manipulators in a family or group of people. If you’re in one of those situations, you can find truly strong, healthy relationships away from that type of dysfunction. It takes courage to leave unhealthy relationships, but you may be surprised at the strength you can find when you need it. Don’t be afraid to walk away and never look back.